New Year’s Resolutions for the Person Who is Already Fucking Perfect

  • Move out of yacht
  • Cut out tap water
  • Finally learn to play the harpsichord
  • Re-reread War and Peace
  • Tell ex-lover to stop buying me islands
  • Finesse levitation pose at Yoga Core
  • Return Chrissy Teigen’s DM
  • Stop re-gifting islands
  • Get lip reduction
  • Sell islands
  • Call Mom back

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s