FROM: InsuraCorp Human Resources

TO: All InsuraCorp Employees

In preparation for our upcoming cycle of annual reviews, your besties in HR want to remind every employee that feedback is a gift. To ensure you get the most out of the feedback from your manager, here are some quick and easy mind games you can play with yourself to make every shot to the ego feel like Christmas morning.

1. Your manager says, “Liz, I’d like to see you assert yourself in meetings.”
   • Liz could remind her boss that she finds it hard to assert herself when Chad talks at the same time she is talking 110% of the time.
   • Or, Liz could pretend the feedback was served in the form of two perfectly baked cinnamon rolls slathered in buttercream icing, and she is motor-boating the center.
2. Your manager says, “Nathan, you seem quiet in brainstorming sessions. I’d like you to show stronger collaboration with your peers.”
   • Nathan could fire back at his manager, saying that he is the only introvert on the team, and while he shares fewer ideas, they have a higher success rate of being good ones.
   • Or, Nathan could take himself back to his fourth birthday when his parents got him a life-size red Power Ranger that kicked, punched, and told him he was a valuable contribution to the world.
3. Your manager says, “Emma, your organizational skills are sub-par.”
   • Emma could lash out at her boss, saying she might have more time to organize her life if she didn’t have to organize everyone else’s, like cleaning up after every team meeting, always being the one to have to take notes, and being one of three women who respond to the call to bring in treats for office birthdays.
   • Or, Emma could pretend that while her boss was saying that $100 bills fell from the ceiling like snowflakes and melted on her skin in the form of diamonds, rubies, and a shin replacement she had been meaning to get.
4. Your manager says, “Kara, I’d like you to socialize with the team more often.”
   • Kara could pound her fits, shouting that socializing occurs during lunch, and she is vegan. She has to bring her lunch because the only vegan meal in the cafeteria is the iceberg side salad with two carrot sticks, and one and a half croutons.
   • Or, Kara could pretend she immediately gets a phone call from her dead grandmother from beyond the grave. Grandma has decided to come back to life and wants to pick Kara up from work to get day drunk.
5. Your manager says, “Rick, if you want to get a promotion, you need to impress senior leadership.”
   • Rick could burst into flames, exclaiming that it is easier for his peers to make a strong impression on senior leadership because they are put into projects that directly relate to senior leadership while he is 12 steps removed.
   • Or, Rick could pretend that he is lying on a nude beach in Turks and Caicos. A waiter brings him a mojito. As he lifts his head to tip the waiter, he looks around and confirms his suspicion. He does have the best ass on the beach.