Intellectuals Only: The First Dating App to Connect the Worst to the Worse

Intellectuals Only – Personal Profile

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Name: Susan Triger

Education/Degree: Princeton University, Candidate for a Ph. D of Philosophy in Comparative Literature

Age: 28

Status: Single

Hobbies and Interest: Reading  —Click to Expand-

I’m not like the rest of my generation. I don’t watch Netflix or HBO (Did I say those things correctly?) I read books, big ones. I read big books while the rest of my cohort wastes away on their digital screens.

I much prefer the physical nature of holding a book. I want to rub the pages between my fingers and thighs. It doesn’t matter what I am reading. All reading is good reading, and reading words makes you smarter, better, and stronger. The digital age makes you dumb and weak, easy to fall prey to a Transvaal lion.

If necessary, I will watch a movie at your apartment, as that is what is expected on some first dates, but I require the subtitles to be turned on so I can put earplugs in and whisper the words.

Mind you, I do not consider listening to audiobooks to be reading. If I wanted to listen to someone read a book in a lifeless monotone, I’d create an mp3 of the 1994 home video of my mom reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar to me while stoned.

I find it necessary to state my position on Kindles. In the past, I was firmly against Kindles because I found them resistant to coffee stains and mold, two of my favorite attributes of books. However, my Grandma Nina gave me a Kindle for my birthday two years ago, and I found it very useful to download books while I was studying abroad in Barcelona. Unfortunately, I no longer have the Kindle after I tried to fold it in half, attempting to close it.

I look forward to many dates from this app. To prepare for our conversation, here is some recent reading I have done in the last couple of days and will want to talk about.

  • Lord of the Rings
  • War and Peace
  • Tectonic Setting and Gondwana Basin Architecture in the Indian Shield
  • The Adventures of Mary Kate and Ashley: The Case of the Weird Science Mystery
  • The Quran

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