From: HJones@SoftwareUS.com To: KSmith@gmail.com Automatic reply to “Software meltdown! Immediate assistance needed!” Bonjour! I am out of the office in Paris, France! While you are reading this, I am probably eating a buttered croissant and sipping a cortado on the … Continue reading Cycle of Hell
A pulsating sound reverberates in my head. A smoke alarm? A screaming baby? A screaming dictator? My eyes shoot open, and I’m blinded by laser sunbeams piercing through the broken blinds. “Wakey, wakey eggs and bakey!” My old college roommate … Continue reading The Hottest Day in Chicago: The Most Important Day of Your Life
I stare at my hairdresser in the mirror. He is waiting for my answer. Feeling myself getting hot, I stop scrolling on Google Images. The smock around my neck is caught under his hands, which lean against the back of … Continue reading I Want a Haircut That Will Fix My Life, Please
My Love My passion for you is everlasting, like the purplish stain in our bathtub My spirit longs for you, like my hunger for Dorritos and cake at 1 am, 2 am, 3 am, 4 am, and 5 am My … Continue reading Very Good Love Poem
I place my five blue button-down shirts across my bed for today is a special day at work, and I need to get this right. I could wear Powder Blue, the one that says I’m fun and adventurous! But, I … Continue reading The Working Man’s Peril of the Same Five Blue Button-Down Shirts
Judge: The court is now in session. Plaintiff, please state your case. Hannah: I was only talking because Sarah was talking. Judge: Defendant, please state your case. Sarah: My cousin and Hannah have the same shoes. Judge: Come again? Sarah: … Continue reading Peace on Earth
Friends, Family, and Harrisburg High School class of 2010, we gather here today to celebrate the life and legacy of Ms. Tape. I was first introduced to Ms. Tape in health class during my sophomore year. Mr. Hufstuff displayed a … Continue reading In Memoriam Ms. Tape
Human: I often feel compelled to do a thing. When do I know if God is calling me to do that thing, and when may I give credit to my own desires? Omniscient Presence: Wait a few days, months, or … Continue reading God Is Calling
Perks: If interested send your resume to Marsha in HR. Continue reading Exciting Job Opportunity at [Insert Name of Newaged Advertising Agency Here]!
I don’t mind going to theaters alone, except for now. The two ladies sitting to my right are taking pictures and drinking eighteen-dollar wine from theater-regulated Sippy Cups. The lady beside me holds her phone two feet from her face with … Continue reading It’s Me, Your Tech Support
Use Fewer Words 