From the Desk of Gretchen Jones Dear Monica, I humbly pen this letter on the eighth day of December to request a grave favor from you. Through unfortunate luck, I have won an open bar for me and my twelve … Continue reading I Just Won an Open Bar and I Really Need You as a Friend Right Now

After the release of our second EP “My Heart Is a Fuck Boi” following “My Penis Is Methodist,” our band has been called out by critics for being too dark. Upon attending one of our shows, one reviewer wrote, “Be … Continue reading Grunge Band Seeks Quirky Bandmate

FROM: InsuraCorp Human Resources TO: All InsuraCorp Employees The weather is cooling down. Yes, you may toss the Summer Dress Code we taped to the front of your computer screens. However, your HR staff has recently been informed that overstimulation … Continue reading Notice From HR: Fall Dress Code

Worldly prophets, Gandhi, Sojourner Truth, Malala Yousafzai, Jesus, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Nelson Mandela, Benjamin Franklin, and Mother Teresa all got together at their weekly meeting in the third realm between time and space to discuss the state of the universe. … Continue reading The History of Gender… Probably

Who we are: Clubs suck. No one actually likes them. People like drugs. People like alcohol. But no one wants music blasting into their earholes in a pulsing manner that could kill anyone over twenty-five. Despite this, you will eventually … Continue reading Club Robots

The moment Victoria delivered their baby, Brad’s life changed forever. He told his very first dad joke. Victoria looked at baby Allison with beaming eyes. “Brad, she’s perfect!” Gazing down at his daughter, he said, “She gets that from me.” … Continue reading Brad Tells Jokes Now!

Red = Feeling uninspired I couldn’t decide on a color, so I took a “classic” route, but let’s be honest. I gave up. I sold out. Nude = Feeling strange Ever wonder what it would look like if we didn’t … Continue reading Guide to My Mood by the Color of My Nails

A father and son sit in front of the TV for dinner. The father passes out paper plates topped with slices of Tombstone Pizza. From a cooler he keeps by his recliner, he pops a Coors Light for himself and … Continue reading “No One Will Play With Me,” Said the Mean Kid

Martha is going to the restaurant opening of a new vegetarian diner. Scott stands outside. Scott: Ma’am could you take a second to sign a petition fighting for better conditions for the animals in Bravery Park Zoo? Martha: No, I … Continue reading The Disappointing Vegetarian

Intellectuals Only – Personal Profile Swipe right to see if Susan likes you, too! Name: Susan Triger Education/Degree: Princeton University, Candidate for a Ph. D of Philosophy in Comparative Literature Age: 28 Status: Single Hobbies and Interest: Reading  —Click to … Continue reading Intellectuals Only: The First Dating App to Connect the Worst to the Worse